There is always a first for everything and for me in writing this first blog starts my journey on what I hope is a life time of learning. Being a Christian my whole life led me to a stale monotonous life of routines. Doing things because that's what a Christian does, like attending worship service or taking my kids to Wednesday night children's activities. You know the type right? Get up on Sunday get dressed, hair and kids perfect. Perfect smile on my face. Singing the songs, and giving offering. Talking with the other ladies about potlucks and kids programs. Then coming home to the ugly mess that I lived everyday where God was not present. I was asleep. I was asleep in my faith and asleep in my life. Everything was running on auto pilot. There was no purpose there was no drive.
One day last November just after thanksgiving I found myself on a drive through the mountains with my 2 year old son. It was a bright sunny day. Snow was covering the forest in a blanket of twinkling diamonds. Christmas songs were playing on the radio. It was one of those warm happy moments when everything seemed just right. I started singing to one of the songs "Sweet little Jesus boy" a favorite of mine. Like a ton of bricks the words to that song hit me. "Sweet little Jesus boy, we made you be born in a manger, Sweet little holy child we didn't know who you were". I'm not really sure why that song and why that moment opened my eyes but, I just felt such over whelming sorrow for the waste of his gift in my life. I was not living the life, not talking the talk or walking the walk. Jesus died on the cross for me for my sins and instead of spreading that joyous wonderful news I was to caught up in the petty fights my husband and I had. Or what I would wear to so and so's party. I was more interested in impressing my friends with my kids outfits or grades at school then in what they actually knew about Jesus. I realised that outside of church we never even mentioned Jesus save for the prayer we said once a year for Christmas dinner.
Before the song was over I had started weeping and eventually it turned into an uncontrollable sob. I started praying right there in the car on that mountain road for forgiveness. I decided from that day on I would be praying for God to teach me how to love him. I would pray that Jesus would change my life that I would live my life applying his teachings everyday.
I am now awake, I pray I never fall asleep again. The numerous changes and blessings that have been happening everyday since my fateful drive have been staggering. I thank God everyday for opening my eyes and pray that my love for my lord and saviour will continue to grow each and every day.